I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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