dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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