I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
