you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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