Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
