And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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