I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
