names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
