So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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