i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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