its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
