There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So much rum. So many feels.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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