after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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