I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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