I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
