just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
