No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
