My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
