also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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