lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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