i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
