About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize