I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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