Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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