my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
