I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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