I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
