their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
