you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
