The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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