I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
3 2 1 whiskey
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
