She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
