and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
