im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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