There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
