Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
