I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
