JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
