I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
