The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize