It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
