Are we in a gay sports bar?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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