you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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