Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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