You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
