You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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