my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
