I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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