Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
