I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
