Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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