totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
