i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
