just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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