I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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