Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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