Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
