Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
