I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
