He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
