Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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