She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
