He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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