i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize