im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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