I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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