Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
