We're like a lot better than the average bears
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
