My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
