Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.