believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize