There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.