She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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