so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
