But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
