Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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